Dear Irelynn, It was a joyful, scary Thanksgiving. About a week before Thanksgiving, you had a cold. Then an incredibly hard, swollen mandibular lymph node. Then a fever. When I took you to the pediatrician, they ran a lot of blood work. The doctor said she just wanted to cover all her bases. When your EBV levels came back really high and CBC showed that you were slightly anemic, she started talking about possibly doing a biopsy and even used the word lymphoma. Oh my, do you know what that does to a mother's heart and her head. Horrible visions and thoughts were just dancing around in there. As you know, everything turned out ok, and what you had was actually a simple infection. However, I appreciate the doctors attentiveness and concern. What I want to tell you about though is what this experience did to me. It was on the ride home from work after researching our situation and talking with the doctor, and waiting on the lymph node to decrease in size and the fever to go away. I was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety about what the future might hold for us and for our family. I felt this feeling of panic run over my body and tears flowed from my eyes. I realized that no mater what happened, it was out of my control. As I got closer and closer to home calm started to come over me as I accepted whatever was going to happen. My love for you and your sister and your dad grew even bigger if that is possible. I didn't know of anything more I could do to keep you from whatever it was that was making you sick, all I could do was love you and keep loving you. You see, baby, there is nothing that this world owes you. No garentees, no promises, and no fairness. You just have to do your best and love your best. When I got home things were different for me. It didn't bother me that the laundry wasn't done or that the dishes were dirty. It didn't matter that much was left to do before bed. It didn't matter that your dad didn't finish his last project or say the right words. None of it mattered anymore. All that mattered was that I was with you and your sister and we loved on each other. And, Dad was there with us loving on us. And he played with you and Livie and rolled around with you in the floor and it was loud in that house. The dogs barked and you guys screamed, and it was beautiful. It was my life. I know as things get back to normal that that since of joy will fade a little bit at times. I wish I could bottle it up and pour myself a glass when I get caught up in trivial challenges. I know it will all be ok and I am thankful, so very thankful that in that moment fear turned to gratitude and love. Love Always, Mom